"I don't know what to do." That's what I hear

So many times. I say this constantly.

Yet what I mean, I cannot say for sure--

I only know I'm lost, it's hard to see

.

The purpose in my life; it's hard to feel

What's best to do--what I need most in life

And…

But live I must, for now, so I'll contrive

To try things, to explore, to seek a guide

Or mentor to help lead me. I'm alive,

And thus there's hope, and so upwards I'll glide

.

T'wards better love, t'wards more, if e'er I may;

I'll build on what I learn. I'…

I need to love myself--but that's quite hard.

I don't know how to do it, nor do I

Have guidance, step by step success. I'm barred

From learning this great skill--I heave a sigh.

.

Oh, if there is a way to learn, I'll study,

Take notes, and practice till I…

Pyretta! Dear Pyretta, Sapphic Fire!

Of all the souls I've known, I love yours best--

Affection and compassion fill my breast

Whene'er we are together. I admire

.

Your courage, perseverance, and your power;

Your gentle reassurance when I'm stressed

And in…

I hope, through all of this, that I have learned

Some lessons to apply to later life,

So I may save fond friends from future strife,

And loathe myself a little less. I turned

My eyes upon myself, at point of knife,

From others' viewpoint: hard. It changed…

My left leg's been through surgery--ah! Twice.

I'm walking nearly normally by now,

But that was taxing. Very. I'll allow,

My limp's a minor thing, one grain of rice

Within a heaping bowl.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Oh, I would splice

Tho…

My life, in recent months, has been o'erfull.

There's too much going on, inside my heart

And head, to parse, to handle. As for art,

I've had no spoons to work. I'm gath'ring wool,

Bereft of words, o'ercome. I've been a fool

Both in and out of love. How ca…

There’s nobody who knows as well as I

How stealthily dark thoughts will bruit and shove

The rational, the calmer ones; they lie

And whisper: “You’re not worthy of their love!”

.

And oh my dear, I know that this is true,

So venomous to both of us. Yo…

There is no Christmas morning planned this year.

We might not even see a Halloween.

The doom-predictions' date will soon be here,

And our defenseless bones will be picked clean.

.

We can see the waters rising, see the waves;.

They claw and grope and maul …

But I've no strength, no courage! If I must

Continue living, tread the steeper way,

Climb crises--impulse might o'erride dread; just

An instant could decide things either way.

.

Story is marked as mature

a slurry jet of words, propelled by fear

of you, and what you'll think of me, erupts

from deep within my mind. step back, stand clear!

do not get splashed; this vitriol corrupts,

.

as i can witness. wildly i o'erflow!

acidic sentiments cannot be trapt

wit…

There's no one else who's helped me know my self,

My heart, without dissembling or disguise.

You showed me how; I put fears on the shelf,

And viewed myself with sympathetic eyes.

-

That was a boon beyond all former gifts!

I'd never guessed that I'd had …

I'd like to call and ask if you'd stop by.

It's been too long! We really should catch up,

But ev'ry time we visit, I get shy;

I'd like to change that. Come, and fill a cup.

-

Whenever we're together, it's the same:

It seems no time has passed. Our friends…

My friend deserves much better; still, he clings,

Against all warnings, to that bastard's love,

And whether feighted or genuine, it brings

Destruction. Now the demon's poised shove

-

Its victim from the precipice! Oh, now,

He's lost his balance, inches fr…

I'm edging closer daily to despair

From which, I doubt I ever can escape.

I brood on all the times I wasn't there

When he was suffering cruelty and rape

-

I'd never known, 'til later, how unfair

His lover's treatment was--how mean, how vicious.

My friend …

I've learned to trust that love exists aplenty,


And that most people long to be adored.


Some think that one love's all they can afford,


But open minds can oft embrace its bounty

-

And love the world entire, and each in turn!


My heart, so full of you, …

When you departed, love, you'd been afflicted

And mute so long. My strength and hope had flagged.

I felt myself alone, exhausted, ragged,

But then there came a blessing unpredicted.

-

I'd thought my love was dying, nearly gone,

And never to return, once …

I'm torn, my dear. I don't know what to do.

I wish you were alive, that you'd respond

To guide me, as before--but you're beyond

Such interactions now; still, I seek you.

-

Just hear me, please. I lack all peace of mind.

It shuffled off just after you with…

But no, I’ll stumble on, on trembling legs,

In hopes this seething street leads me to rest,

And drink this cup of potion to the dregs–

For sustenance or death–whatever’s best.

-

Oh, do I trudge on my, or God’s, volition?

There’s little in this that I w…

The end I seek, I cannot see from here

I do not know exactly what I’ll find

Or even if I can suppress my fear

To persevere through storms within my mind

-

I started this progression far too late,

Had spent most of my energy before

I realized my sat, unste…

Title: The Spear Not Shaken

.

I know your voice; your words are passing Sweet.

They cloy the throat and summon hordes of Flies

The courtiers consider you a Treat;

They cannot tell veracity from Lies.

-

Oh, Laura! I'd not interrupt your Cours…

I hope that I can find a proper manner

To make new friends and treat them as they’d choose,

So they feel safe and cheerful ‘neath my banner

And not be overwhelmed, creeped out, bemused.

-

I know there’s something wrong, but no one tells

Just where I erred…

A brittle, dessicated kind of life

That has been weakened outdoors in the sun

Near deafened by the cannon, drum, and fife;

A throat that’s silent, now the screaming’s done.

This is my life, my body, after you.

You pushed me to exceed my own ability.

My b…

Story is marked as mature