Stories tagged “SELF LOATHING”

  • Broke Friendship with Beloved Friend

    Story is marked as mature

    Posted 4 years ago
  • Two: Together; Apart (Sonnet Pair) 2/2

    I shall not end my life and hurt you worse,

    Despite the ideation in my mind--

    How cruel an act! If reason I can find,

    I'll fix it in my head, beguile the curse.


    No healing comes from lying in a hearse,

    I know. There is no need, so don't remind;

    If we ca…

    Posted 4 years ago
  • Two: Together; Apart (Sonnet Pair) 1/2

    Today I broke a friendship once again

    It lately seems to happen every day

    I try so to be kind, but what I say

    Hurts lovely people, causing grief and pain


    How come? It truly goes against the grain

    I long to be a nurturer, and pay

    Respect, attention--Sadl…

    Posted 4 years ago
  • Fire-Engine Red

    Today my nails are red; so are my shorts,

    And, as I shaved my arms at CCH,

    That colour flowed again. And, glad to see

    My blood come dripping down, I slashed again.

    Oh, fire-engine red looked fair to me--


    But then I thought back, and I bit my tongue,


    Posted 4 years ago
  • I Matter Naught

    I don't get you. I don't get me.

    I should give up, as you can see.

    Thanks for the friendship; thanks a lot.

    I'm here, where ev'ry day's too hot.


    Don't follow me! Don't hold me back.

    My kindness changes to attack.

    Please save yourself while you still…

    Posted 4 years ago
  • Unwilling to Escape

    My friend deserves much better; still, he clings,

    Against all warnings, to that bastard's love,

    And whether feighted or genuine, it brings

    Destruction. Now the demon's poised shove


    Its victim from the precipice! Oh, now,

    He's lost his balance, inches fr…

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Lesson To Learn

    I never learned to love myself.

    I know not how it’s done.

    I am so weak in will and mind.

    I seek, but cannot seem to find

    Something to love–not one.

    Or, rather, all the little things

    That I can do half-well

    Are insignificant, compared

    To all my flaws and …

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (9/9)

    And please, my Lord, I beg Thee, heal

    The pain in one and all,

    Which I in my confusion caused.

    Please hear this sinner's call.

    I did not mean to harm a soul,

    But to my endless rue,

    So much frustration, anger, hurt

    I managed, still, to do

    O I was wrong s…

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (8)

    And one day, I will find the way,

    The strength to tell my spouse,

    And hope to Heaven I won't lose

    My love, my kids, my house,

    My inner peace; that I'll retain

    My home, and if I may,

    I'll ask for their consent to love

    In my own natural way.

    So yes, this …

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (7)

    I have so much, so very much

    My frame can't hold it all

    I'll burst if I attempt to keep

    Its mass behind a wall.

    I feel so guilty! I have failed

    To keep the borders free

    Of raging feelings, now and then--

    But then, they lied to me.

    They kept me from the…

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (6)

    No more can I control the way

    I love, the quality

    Of my affection, nor the strength--

    Heart listens not to me.

    It's true to some extent that I

    Can choose how to respond

    When feelings grow, until they reach

    To limits, and beyond

    The lines that I consider…

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (5)

    But no, my heart just wouldn't die,

    It loved, though I ignored

    Its every message, every urge

    Shut down across the board.

    In spite of my refusal

    To allow my heart to thrive,

    Love was undaunted. Finally,

    I heard: "I am alive!"

    And is it wrong to feel, I a…

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (4)

    The progress bar moves slowly still

    Do not unplug your unit,

    I rub my temples wearily

    I know I can't assume it

    Will really work. I doubt the flaw

    Was ever in the OS.

    My heart has always burst with love

    Though I was e'er the slowest

    At finding anyone to …

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (3)

    That's all the standard user needs--

    The office suite for home,

    With other users disallowed,

    Not recognized--they use their own,

    And I'll use mine. That's how it's done

    No jail-breaking here!

    No one would dare suggest a change

    The cor'p'rate rules are cl…

    Posted 7 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (1/9)

    Hi. After storm and stress, I find

    I can't do much right now

    But wag my cursor back and forth

    And watch the progress bar.

    The screen's still in a foreign tongue:

    I have to guess its meaning,

    But hopefully my mind will work

    After repair and cleaning.

    My …

    Posted 7 years ago