Stories tagged “SELF LOATHING”
Story is marked as maturePosted 4 years ago
I shall not end my life and hurt you worse,
Despite the ideation in my mind--
How cruel an act! If reason I can find,
I'll fix it in my head, beguile the curse.
No healing comes from lying in a hearse,
I know. There is no need, so don't remind;
If we ca…Posted 4 years ago
Today I broke a friendship once again
It lately seems to happen every day
I try so to be kind, but what I say
Hurts lovely people, causing grief and pain
How come? It truly goes against the grain
I long to be a nurturer, and pay
Respect, attention--Sadl…Posted 4 years ago
Today my nails are red; so are my shorts,
And, as I shaved my arms at CCH,
That colour flowed again. And, glad to see
My blood come dripping down, I slashed again.
Oh, fire-engine red looked fair to me--
But then I thought back, and I bit my tongue,
Rec…Posted 4 years ago
I don't get you. I don't get me.
I should give up, as you can see.
Thanks for the friendship; thanks a lot.
I'm here, where ev'ry day's too hot.
Don't follow me! Don't hold me back.
My kindness changes to attack.
Please save yourself while you still…Posted 4 years ago
My friend deserves much better; still, he clings,
Against all warnings, to that bastard's love,
And whether feighted or genuine, it brings
Destruction. Now the demon's poised shove
Its victim from the precipice! Oh, now,
He's lost his balance, inches fr…Posted 7 years ago
I never learned to love myself.
I know not how it’s done.
I am so weak in will and mind.
I seek, but cannot seem to find
Something to love–not one.
Or, rather, all the little things
That I can do half-well
Are insignificant, compared
To all my flaws and …Posted 7 years ago
And please, my Lord, I beg Thee, heal
The pain in one and all,
Which I in my confusion caused.
Please hear this sinner's call.
I did not mean to harm a soul,
But to my endless rue,
So much frustration, anger, hurt
I managed, still, to do
O I was wrong s…Posted 7 years ago
And one day, I will find the way,
The strength to tell my spouse,
And hope to Heaven I won't lose
My love, my kids, my house,
My inner peace; that I'll retain
My home, and if I may,
I'll ask for their consent to love
In my own natural way.
So yes, this …Posted 7 years ago
I have so much, so very much
My frame can't hold it all
I'll burst if I attempt to keep
Its mass behind a wall.
I feel so guilty! I have failed
To keep the borders free
Of raging feelings, now and then--
But then, they lied to me.
They kept me from the…Posted 7 years ago
No more can I control the way
I love, the quality
Of my affection, nor the strength--
Heart listens not to me.
It's true to some extent that I
Can choose how to respond
When feelings grow, until they reach
To limits, and beyond
The lines that I consider…Posted 7 years ago
But no, my heart just wouldn't die,
It loved, though I ignored
Its every message, every urge
Shut down across the board.
In spite of my refusal
To allow my heart to thrive,
Love was undaunted. Finally,
I heard: "I am alive!"
And is it wrong to feel, I a…Posted 7 years ago
The progress bar moves slowly still
Do not unplug your unit,
I rub my temples wearily
I know I can't assume it
Will really work. I doubt the flaw
Was ever in the OS.
My heart has always burst with love
Though I was e'er the slowest
At finding anyone to …Posted 7 years ago
That's all the standard user needs--
The office suite for home,
With other users disallowed,
Not recognized--they use their own,
And I'll use mine. That's how it's done
No jail-breaking here!
No one would dare suggest a change
The cor'p'rate rules are cl…Posted 7 years ago
Hi. After storm and stress, I find
I can't do much right now
But wag my cursor back and forth
And watch the progress bar.
The screen's still in a foreign tongue:
I have to guess its meaning,
But hopefully my mind will work
After repair and cleaning.
My …Posted 7 years ago