Stories tagged “SELF LOATHING”

  • Broke Friendship with Beloved Friend

    Story is marked as mature

    Posted 1 year ago
  • Two: Together; Apart (Sonnet Pair) 2/2

    I shall not end my life and hurt you worse,

    Despite the ideation in my mind--

    How cruel an act! If reason I can find,

    I'll fix it in my head, beguile the curse.

    .

    No healing comes from lying in a hearse,

    I know. There is no need, so don't remind;

    If we ca…

    Posted 1 year ago
  • Two: Together; Apart (Sonnet Pair) 1/2

    Today I broke a friendship once again

    It lately seems to happen every day

    I try so to be kind, but what I say

    Hurts lovely people, causing grief and pain

    .

    How come? It truly goes against the grain

    I long to be a nurturer, and pay

    Respect, attention--Sadl…

    Posted 1 year ago
  • Fire-Engine Red

    Today my nails are red; so are my shorts,

    And, as I shaved my arms at CCH,

    That colour flowed again. And, glad to see

    My blood come dripping down, I slashed again.

    Oh, fire-engine red looked fair to me--

    .

    But then I thought back, and I bit my tongue,

    Rec…

    Posted 1 year ago
  • I Matter Naught

    I don't get you. I don't get me.

    I should give up, as you can see.

    Thanks for the friendship; thanks a lot.

    I'm here, where ev'ry day's too hot.

    .

    Don't follow me! Don't hold me back.

    My kindness changes to attack.

    Please save yourself while you still…

    Posted 1 year ago
  • Unwilling to Escape

    My friend deserves much better; still, he clings,

    Against all warnings, to that bastard's love,

    And whether feighted or genuine, it brings

    Destruction. Now the demon's poised shove

    -

    Its victim from the precipice! Oh, now,

    He's lost his balance, inches fr…

    Posted 4 years ago
  • Lesson To Learn

    I never learned to love myself.

    I know not how it’s done.

    I am so weak in will and mind.

    I seek, but cannot seem to find

    Something to love–not one.

    Or, rather, all the little things

    That I can do half-well

    Are insignificant, compared

    To all my flaws and …

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (9/9)

    And please, my Lord, I beg Thee, heal

    The pain in one and all,

    Which I in my confusion caused.

    Please hear this sinner's call.

    I did not mean to harm a soul,

    But to my endless rue,

    So much frustration, anger, hurt

    I managed, still, to do

    O I was wrong s…

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (8)

    And one day, I will find the way,

    The strength to tell my spouse,

    And hope to Heaven I won't lose

    My love, my kids, my house,

    My inner peace; that I'll retain

    My home, and if I may,

    I'll ask for their consent to love

    In my own natural way.

    So yes, this …

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (7)

    I have so much, so very much

    My frame can't hold it all

    I'll burst if I attempt to keep

    Its mass behind a wall.

    I feel so guilty! I have failed

    To keep the borders free

    Of raging feelings, now and then--

    But then, they lied to me.

    They kept me from the…

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (6)

    No more can I control the way

    I love, the quality

    Of my affection, nor the strength--

    Heart listens not to me.

    It's true to some extent that I

    Can choose how to respond

    When feelings grow, until they reach

    To limits, and beyond

    The lines that I consider…

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (5)

    But no, my heart just wouldn't die,

    It loved, though I ignored

    Its every message, every urge

    Shut down across the board.

    In spite of my refusal

    To allow my heart to thrive,

    Love was undaunted. Finally,

    I heard: "I am alive!"

    And is it wrong to feel, I a…

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (4)

    The progress bar moves slowly still

    Do not unplug your unit,

    I rub my temples wearily

    I know I can't assume it

    Will really work. I doubt the flaw

    Was ever in the OS.

    My heart has always burst with love

    Though I was e'er the slowest

    At finding anyone to …

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (3)

    That's all the standard user needs--

    The office suite for home,

    With other users disallowed,

    Not recognized--they use their own,

    And I'll use mine. That's how it's done

    No jail-breaking here!

    No one would dare suggest a change

    The cor'p'rate rules are cl…

    Posted 5 years ago
  • Reinstalling my System (1/9)

    Hi. After storm and stress, I find

    I can't do much right now

    But wag my cursor back and forth

    And watch the progress bar.

    The screen's still in a foreign tongue:

    I have to guess its meaning,

    But hopefully my mind will work

    After repair and cleaning.

    My …

    Posted 5 years ago