Stories tagged “SELF LOATHING”
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Broke Friendship with Beloved Friend
Story is marked as mature
Posted 4 years ago -
Two: Together; Apart (Sonnet Pair) 2/2
I shall not end my life and hurt you worse,
Despite the ideation in my mind--
How cruel an act! If reason I can find,
I'll fix it in my head, beguile the curse.
.
No healing comes from lying in a hearse,
I know. There is no need, so don't remind;
If we ca…
Posted 4 years ago -
Two: Together; Apart (Sonnet Pair) 1/2
Today I broke a friendship once again
It lately seems to happen every day
I try so to be kind, but what I say
Hurts lovely people, causing grief and pain
.
How come? It truly goes against the grain
I long to be a nurturer, and pay
Respect, attention--Sadl…
Posted 4 years ago -
Fire-Engine Red
Today my nails are red; so are my shorts,
And, as I shaved my arms at CCH,
That colour flowed again. And, glad to see
My blood come dripping down, I slashed again.
Oh, fire-engine red looked fair to me--
.
But then I thought back, and I bit my tongue,
Rec…
Posted 4 years ago -
I Matter Naught
I don't get you. I don't get me.
I should give up, as you can see.
Thanks for the friendship; thanks a lot.
I'm here, where ev'ry day's too hot.
.
Don't follow me! Don't hold me back.
My kindness changes to attack.
Please save yourself while you still…
Posted 4 years ago -
Unwilling to Escape
My friend deserves much better; still, he clings,
Against all warnings, to that bastard's love,
And whether feighted or genuine, it brings
Destruction. Now the demon's poised shove
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Its victim from the precipice! Oh, now,
He's lost his balance, inches fr…
Posted 7 years ago -
Lesson To Learn
I never learned to love myself.
I know not how it’s done.
I am so weak in will and mind.
I seek, but cannot seem to find
Something to love–not one.
Or, rather, all the little things
That I can do half-well
Are insignificant, compared
To all my flaws and …
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (9/9)
And please, my Lord, I beg Thee, heal
The pain in one and all,
Which I in my confusion caused.
Please hear this sinner's call.
I did not mean to harm a soul,
But to my endless rue,
So much frustration, anger, hurt
I managed, still, to do
O I was wrong s…
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (8)
And one day, I will find the way,
The strength to tell my spouse,
And hope to Heaven I won't lose
My love, my kids, my house,
My inner peace; that I'll retain
My home, and if I may,
I'll ask for their consent to love
In my own natural way.
So yes, this …
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (7)
I have so much, so very much
My frame can't hold it all
I'll burst if I attempt to keep
Its mass behind a wall.
I feel so guilty! I have failed
To keep the borders free
Of raging feelings, now and then--
But then, they lied to me.
They kept me from the…
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (6)
No more can I control the way
I love, the quality
Of my affection, nor the strength--
Heart listens not to me.
It's true to some extent that I
Can choose how to respond
When feelings grow, until they reach
To limits, and beyond
The lines that I consider…
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (5)
But no, my heart just wouldn't die,
It loved, though I ignored
Its every message, every urge
Shut down across the board.
In spite of my refusal
To allow my heart to thrive,
Love was undaunted. Finally,
I heard: "I am alive!"
And is it wrong to feel, I a…
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (4)
The progress bar moves slowly still
Do not unplug your unit,
I rub my temples wearily
I know I can't assume it
Will really work. I doubt the flaw
Was ever in the OS.
My heart has always burst with love
Though I was e'er the slowest
At finding anyone to …
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (3)
That's all the standard user needs--
The office suite for home,
With other users disallowed,
Not recognized--they use their own,
And I'll use mine. That's how it's done
No jail-breaking here!
No one would dare suggest a change
The cor'p'rate rules are cl…
Posted 7 years ago -
Reinstalling my System (1/9)
Hi. After storm and stress, I find
I can't do much right now
But wag my cursor back and forth
And watch the progress bar.
The screen's still in a foreign tongue:
I have to guess its meaning,
But hopefully my mind will work
After repair and cleaning.
My …
Posted 7 years ago