Story is marked as mature

I shall not end my life and hurt you worse,

Despite the ideation in my mind--

How cruel an act! If reason I can find,

I'll fix it in my head, beguile the curse.

.

No healing comes from lying in a hearse,

I know. There is no need, so don't remind;

If we ca…

Today I broke a friendship once again

It lately seems to happen every day

I try so to be kind, but what I say

Hurts lovely people, causing grief and pain

.

How come? It truly goes against the grain

I long to be a nurturer, and pay

Respect, attention--Sadl…

Today my nails are red; so are my shorts,

And, as I shaved my arms at CCH,

That colour flowed again. And, glad to see

My blood come dripping down, I slashed again.

Oh, fire-engine red looked fair to me--

.

But then I thought back, and I bit my tongue,

Rec…

I don't get you. I don't get me.

I should give up, as you can see.

Thanks for the friendship; thanks a lot.

I'm here, where ev'ry day's too hot.

.

Don't follow me! Don't hold me back.

My kindness changes to attack.

Please save yourself while you still…

My friend deserves much better; still, he clings,

Against all warnings, to that bastard's love,

And whether feighted or genuine, it brings

Destruction. Now the demon's poised shove

-

Its victim from the precipice! Oh, now,

He's lost his balance, inches fr…

I never learned to love myself.

I know not how it’s done.

I am so weak in will and mind.

I seek, but cannot seem to find

Something to love–not one.

Or, rather, all the little things

That I can do half-well

Are insignificant, compared

To all my flaws and …

And please, my Lord, I beg Thee, heal

The pain in one and all,

Which I in my confusion caused.

Please hear this sinner's call.

I did not mean to harm a soul,

But to my endless rue,

So much frustration, anger, hurt

I managed, still, to do

O I was wrong s…

And one day, I will find the way,

The strength to tell my spouse,

And hope to Heaven I won't lose

My love, my kids, my house,

My inner peace; that I'll retain

My home, and if I may,

I'll ask for their consent to love

In my own natural way.

So yes, this …

I have so much, so very much

My frame can't hold it all

I'll burst if I attempt to keep

Its mass behind a wall.

I feel so guilty! I have failed

To keep the borders free

Of raging feelings, now and then--

But then, they lied to me.

They kept me from the…

No more can I control the way

I love, the quality

Of my affection, nor the strength--

Heart listens not to me.

It's true to some extent that I

Can choose how to respond

When feelings grow, until they reach

To limits, and beyond

The lines that I consider…

But no, my heart just wouldn't die,

It loved, though I ignored

Its every message, every urge

Shut down across the board.

In spite of my refusal

To allow my heart to thrive,

Love was undaunted. Finally,

I heard: "I am alive!"

And is it wrong to feel, I a…

The progress bar moves slowly still

Do not unplug your unit,

I rub my temples wearily

I know I can't assume it

Will really work. I doubt the flaw

Was ever in the OS.

My heart has always burst with love

Though I was e'er the slowest

At finding anyone to …

That's all the standard user needs--

The office suite for home,

With other users disallowed,

Not recognized--they use their own,

And I'll use mine. That's how it's done

No jail-breaking here!

No one would dare suggest a change

The cor'p'rate rules are cl…

Hi. After storm and stress, I find

I can't do much right now

But wag my cursor back and forth

And watch the progress bar.

The screen's still in a foreign tongue:

I have to guess its meaning,

But hopefully my mind will work

After repair and cleaning.

My …