Fire, After the Ashes

Robert Quick

Where the -@!# did my muse go?

Writer, dreamer, knight, shackled by entertainment . . . and people.

I hate being a slave to my feelings. I don't know how not to feel something. Shit, feeling something on command isn't something I can do either.

Try not being angry

Try not to be sad.

Stop being depressed.

Don't like her.

Don't feel bad for him, he chose to be homeless.

I can't.

All I learned was how to craft these ill-fitting masks to show that I was fine, that I was tired, or sick. Wearing one hid my weaknesses from my friends, letting them stay comfortable.

I'd hate to bother anyone.

What I really learned was how to stay silent and not punch them, to go away and not break everything around me, to keep whatever I was feeling inside because if it came boiling out, my pain would demand nothing less than an eye for an eye and then I'd be the asshole.

Besides, I can take it . . . right?

I used to be so nice.

When did that change? Who was that other me? The kinder, gentler one. I can't remember who he was or what dreams drove him to be better.

I wish I wasn't so angry all the goddamned time.


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Comments (2 so far!)



Oh no! Hopefully you get to feeling right again soon enough! I've actually been reading about mental health stuff a lot lately. I struggle with sometimes some pretty bad anxiety. It can cause me a lot of problems. But really, the easiest thing and the first step to getting better is to just learn to accept it. My anxiety and my emotional issues are a part of me. I can't just turn them off or get rid of them. They still stress me a lot, but maybe, I'm learning to deal with them just a little better. So, hopefully you can, too!

  • #4267 Posted 3 years ago
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Robert Quick

Robert Quick

Thank you for the kind words, Princess Lapis. Writing seems to help the most. At least after therapy/counseling sessions which I can't afford any more. It was nice to have access to that kind of care while I was in college (they had people on staff to talk to). Anxiety and depression have been part of my life for a long time now but I can remember a time when that wasn't true, even if I can't pinpoint the change.

  • #4269 Posted 3 years ago
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