This wasn't our first date together but I still felt like I had to impress her. I was keenly aware that I wasn't very good looking and constantly reminded by my friends, not to mention the amused looks of strangers, that she was way out of my league. Maybe in another galaxy. Yet here we were at this diner that had decor that I knew she'd adore.
The hostess led us to our table with a smile that grated on my skin. None of the tables or chairs matched. Of the four seats available I chose one of the sturdiest looking ones and instantly regretted it. Apparently a thousand generations of equally overweight people had made the same decision, each ass weakening the joints until all that was left was a creaking, trembling, chair-shaped facsimile that felt like at any instant could shatter into kindling beneath me.
I smiled across the table at Janecia and carefully scooted in, letting my legs and a prayer take on the burden of keeping me upright.
My calves and the back of my thighs began to burn.
I would be strong.
No prequels yet. Why not write one?
No sequels yet. Why not write one?
Comments (6 so far!)
I like what this story is about. A heavy guy is self conscious about his date and upon sitting on a rickety chair is worried about embarrassing himself by it breaking under him.
I feel like this piece is almost Stream of Consciousness. But I am missing him expressing his anxiety through his thoughts. He feels very matter of fact for his predicament. If this isn't intended to be SoC I think breaking up his thoughts with action like "The chair creaked under me as I slowly lowered my weight" would give me as the reader something to visualize.
But the internal dialog off the thousand generations of asses upon that seat is delightful. Its like how you try not to think about all the people who slept in that hotel bed before you. So many butts.
Sorry for the long comment, I enjoy bouncing crits off each other! But let me know if you don't like it and I will certainly stop.
- #4225 Posted 2 years ago
Are you kidding? I'm delighted that anyone is reading my work let alone commenting. I leave equally long comments because nuance and examples are often important. So please continue! Sometimes I feel like I'm beating a drum into the dark by writing or commenting here. I would have got back to you sooner but my internet is off for ten days since my ISP is apparently imploding. Thank you for commenting and again for checking in! I appreciate both.
- #4226 Posted 2 years ago
Yeah, I know a lot of people enjoyed the small community here but I think over time it has gotten a little too small and we could use some fresh blood.
- #4227 Posted 2 years ago
I came in during the Ficly days due to Wil Wheaton's podcast. At the time there was definitely a thriving community which apparently paled in comparison to the halcyon days of Ficlets. In all my time there, I only ran into two or three individuals that seemed like they didn't belong according to the attitudes they displayed. The rest of the dozens of people I interacted with, I am proud to say were writers developing their craft and forming a community. I didn't think much of commenting at the time, it felt too much like unnecessary homework but some of the writers who had been around a while convinced me it was good for the community and site as a whole. In the end I had to take some extended time off due to school and work. Now we have Ficlatte which I am totally grateful for, but I do wish more people were still around--new or old.
- #4229 Posted 2 years ago
Wait, Wil Wheaton was really on Ficlets/Ficly? I always figured that was someone else who had taken the screen name.
- #4263 Posted 2 years ago
He has or had a podcast called Radio Free Burrito that I listened to for a while. There he mentioned Ficly and read one of his stories and invited people to come write. I'm not sure he ever came back after the invitation but it was enough to get me started on Ficly (with a little help from Stephen King's On Writing).
- #4265 Posted 2 years ago
- Published 2 years ago and featured 2 years ago.
- Story viewed 12 times and rated 0 times.
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