A Visitor in the Grey Room
After standing alone for days in the emptiness of the Grey Room it was impossible not to notice the sudden presence; the sleeping body of a girl lying in a heap on the floor. Harold noticed too but stayed obediently by my side.
She opened her eyes. My heart pounded at the sight of her, there's no way she could remember. Her body lifted itself to her feet as if raised by strings.
"What are you doing here?" I barked. "You know you aren't welcome here anymore." The body was slow to react; her eyes stared blankly off into which ever direction her head lolled. But when she made eye contact I detected a glint of recognition. Normally her eyes were a startling green, now they were dull, hollow, but not quite devoid. That's what worried me most.
"It's just a shell." I assured myself "Only here out of habit." I stood straight and forced my composure to match her hollow expression.
"Go." I commanded Harold. And the large grey mastiff bound silently toward her, eager to do his job.
No prequels yet. Why not write one?
Comments (4 so far!)
Average reader rating 4.00/5
"There's something wrong [ . . . ] and I don't know what it is." - Vincent Baker, Apocalypse World. Your story reminded me of that quote, though to be fair, it's been on my mind lately. I don't mean reminded me like there is something wrong WITH your story, but more like there is a creeping uneasy feeling that something is wrong inside your story. I like the Grey Room, the possibilities for what it is or what it represents are staggering. I like Harold. He seems like a good dog. The second half of third paragraph confuses me a little bit. I get the feeling that the girl is a construct or a zombie or something and I'm not sure if the story ends moments before Harold rips her apart.
- #4216 Posted 6 months ago
Thanks Robert. Harold is a good dog.
Maybe I will take out the descriptive piece in the third paragraph. Less poetic more pow.
- #4218 Posted 6 months ago
I would only do that if YOU think the story is better that way. Otherwise it might just be your style.
- #4220 Posted 6 months ago
Beautifully written and mysterious. Enough so for me to sequel. I'm sure it's not the direction you had in mind, but I'm curious to see where you take it from here.
- #4336 Posted 2 months ago
- 4 out of 5
- Published 6 months ago and featured 6 months ago.
- Story viewed 18 times and rated 1 times.
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