Winter on Planet Unia

ElshaHawk LoA

Ficlets and Ficly survivor, FicMom, and Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision and Goddess of Unrequited Love. @ElshaHawk @HawkandYoung

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Winters here are not bitterly cold, just barren. The acid rainy season drives everyone underground as the leaves melt off the trees. Harvest was good, we will survive until the leaves sprout again, but the council meets every day to craft more rules.

Theron leads us, the adolescents. We meet secretly, have a network of flashing light codes and message delivery systems. We think the council is unjust, full of adults out to seek personal gain.

We are working on a voting system. The council would never approve, but if we can get most of the hardworking regular folks to join our rebellion, they will have to listen. Or perhaps they might die off in their sleep one by one.

Theron's eyes flash in the lamplight as he describes the latest signatures. "We've got the Butcher on our side." He's the town guard who seals the massive tunnel from the acid rain. He's burly. If we have him, he could simply open the seal and we'd be toast. Acid water is not safe to drink and that's what would come flooding in.


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Comments (3 so far!)

Average reader rating 5.00/5

ScrawlersSecret

ScrawlersSecret

I wonder how much of this is teenage rebellion to perceived slights, and how much is truly justified. I wonder what the leaders are doing that is so bad.

A small suggestion for the style of the piece. The term 'Acid rainy" takes me out of the narrative because it comes out as playful and fun. I feel like if this is the norm for their world they would call it the acid season and use rainy as an adjective. "The rainy acid season drives everyone underground..."

  • #4207 Posted 23 days ago
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  • 5 out of 5
TheCheshireChris

TheCheshireChris

I like the imagery I'm getting about this place. I'd love for this to turn into a series.

  • #4208 Posted 22 days ago
  • 1
  • 5 out of 5
ElshaHawk LoA

ElshaHawk LoA

Thanks for the feedback! You are right about the acid rain-y, Scrawler. Chris, I'd love to expand it, too. Maybe it will make an appearance one day in something.

  • #4214 Posted 2 days ago
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  • Published 25 days ago and featured 22 days ago.
  • Story viewed 11 times and rated 2 times.

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