Needs mustn't...

I badly, madly, want to kiss her.

It's not a need. I will not expire if this never comes to pass. And it really never will.

But I want. It's a hard, desperate, deep rooted and rather ugly feeling. It objectfies her. It stinks of agency disregarded and consent ignored. It's desperately disrespectful.

And I feel ashamed.

Thing is I love her. She's been an amazing friend in the short time we've known each other and I really appreciate that. I'd hate to lose it for something stupid.

I'm also in love with her. And, to be fair, I probably have been since the first day we met.

Does she know? I honestly can't say. Some days when I'm with her it feels like I have a neon sign above my head for the whole world to see, but that might just be my overactive imagination. Not to mention the slightly dazed, goofy grin slapped across my face.

But right now? Now, I just want to push that hair that always end up on her cheek behind her ear, trace the contours of her face with my fingertips.

And, I want to kiss her.