Pouring Rain

PrincessLapis

I like writing, but I'm not sure if I'm really any good at it yet.


Trissa walked through the pouring rain. She was getting soaked, but it was hard to care.

She stepped under an overhang, finally taking a moment to relax. She unzipped her jacket, and carefully removed the poor broken mess inside. Her heart was in so many pieces, she didn't even know how to start putting it back together. She tucked it carefully back in place, sure to not lose any pieces. At least she still had them all.

She sighed, and stood there for several minutes, watching the rain pour down. At least she'd managed to stop crying.

--

"Look, Trissy. I know what we've had has been great, but the spark's just gone."

"So you are breaking up with me."

"That doesn't mean we can't still be friends!"

"While you've been dating her on the side? I think it does mean that."

--

"Hey, you okay?"

Trissa jumped slightly. Back to reality. "Ah, yeah." She wiped her face.

"Wanna walk with me?"

"Huh?"

"You don't have an umbrella. You'll get soaked. We can share mine." She smiled.

"...Sure."

"I'm Ria, by the way."

"Trissa."


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Comments (3 so far!)

Robert Quick

Robert Quick

Nicely done. 3 distinctive parts that tie back into the whole. Details used when possible and not used when not necessary. If you stripped out all the quotation marks and dialogue attributions (and I'm not telling you to do that, in general I find experimental writing annoying) this would have echoes of Cormack McCarthy. Broken hearts suck, I happen to still be nursing mine back to health from wounds sustained long ago. But at least your character has reinforced hope.

  • #4086 Posted 1 month ago
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PrincessLapis

PrincessLapis

I'm glad you like it! I'm actually pretty happy with how it turned out. I have no personal experience to speak of, but broken hearts do very much suck.

  • #4087 Posted 1 month ago
  • 0
ethelthefrog

ethelthefrog

Like Robert, I like the way you have three distinct phases and have used a bare minimum of detail (the Ficlatté format does demand that kind of writing) to convey the richness of this story.

And yes, heartbreak sucks.

  • #4090 Posted 1 month ago
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