Rooftop Run

PrincessLapis

I like writing, but I'm not sure if I'm really any good at it yet.


"Stop running, dummy!"

"You're trying to kill me, and I kind of don't want to die!" The cyan girl leapt up onto a building, shooting bright blue balls of energy at her attacker.

"Oh, don't worry so much! It's nothing personal. I hate all your kind!" the assailant said gleefully, dodging the energy balls with ease. She followed the girl onto the rooftop, attempting to slice her in half with a vivid pink scythe.

The cyan girl dropped to the ground, kicking the humanoid attacker and knocking her off-balance. "Yeah, you think that makes me feel any better about dying? News flash: Kinda doesn't." She blasted the thing with energy again, easily hitting her at this distance, and bounced off across the rooftops.

She coughed before getting up and chasing the cyan girl across the rooftops. "Stop running and let me kill you already!" She sent a slash of inky pink energy at her.

"I think we just went over this!" She stopped to block the magic, but got knocked back by the force, and pinned against the ground.

"Finally."


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Comments (6 so far!)

Average reader rating 4.00/5

ethelthefrog

ethelthefrog

Great action, but I get lost with all the 'she's, I'm afraid. The ending is beautifully ominous.

  • #4079 Posted 1 month ago
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Spoon

Spoon

what ethel said. you could maybe do with specifying who some of the "she"s are. great story though!

  • #4080 Posted 1 month ago
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  • 4 out of 5
PrincessLapis

PrincessLapis

Yeah, I wanted to figure out how, but character constraints. I figured it was probably clear enough if you took a second to look at it. If it was a longer story, I'd probably be carefuller.

  • #4081 Posted 1 month ago
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Robert Quick

Robert Quick

This seems like it could exist parallel to some of your other stories, probably due to the superheroics/magic attacks that seem bound to color. Unlike some of your other stories, these girls don't have names which makes the reader some kind of helpless bystander. While there are stories that use that to great effect, I'd rather be in the fight because it's more exciting. Also, I believe names to be one of your strong points, since they tend to be very different but also feel appropriate for your worlds. I didn't really get confused about who was doing what until the end, and as you said if people are willing to reread it, they can probably get by. That being said, it's our job to make sure they don't have to . . . most of the time. The limits here can be frustrating and I can feel that in some of your answers but, for me at least, they forced me to edit and re-edit a lot of my work until it fit and said what I meant for it to say. Again, most of the time. I do appreciate that you made a prompt and look =>

  • #4083 Posted 1 month ago
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Robert Quick

Robert Quick

=> to using it myself, hopefully soon. It's interesting that it seems okay to viciously attack someone out of hate in this world. Makes me think of some anime for some reason. Is this connected to any of your other stories or does it stand alone? Just curious.

  • #4084 Posted 1 month ago
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PrincessLapis

PrincessLapis

Currently, unless they're sequels, none of my stories are interconnected. I don't even know what I'mma write before I start on it, really. I just get a tiny tidbit in my head and start making it. In this case, it was "It's nothing personal! I hate all your kind!" So then I created a story around it. Might connect it to stuff later? But, dunno.

The name thing is I just didn't have a time or place for it and didn't really feel like it. I'm not sure why. They just felt like focusing on their colors, I guess. I think I liked the sort of disconnected feel.

And thanks! I've been pretty happy with my random names. Just sorta, make names.

I'm glad you like my prompt! It seemed interesting and I was hoping people would get some use out of it.

  • #4085 Posted 1 month ago
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Story prompt:

Write a story with this as the theme or a statement in the story itself.

Whatever happens, it's not personal, is it?

It's Nothing Personal by PrincessLapis

  • Published 1 month ago and featured 1 month ago.
  • Story viewed 16 times and rated 1 times.

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