Family Pride

Robert Quick

Where the -@!# did my muse go?

Writer, dreamer, knight, shackled by entertainment . . . and people.

That's how I became a part of the Cold Hail Battalion (Give 'em Hail!). I was never carried into battle but I was often carried out of one. My dad, the one who accepted me, tried hard to get me transferred to an orphanage or a host family, but there was no chance in all the splintering chaos. The chain of command was shattered and among the civilians on board, I was a nobody. According to their class system an unknown child was potentially a mistake and none were willing to risk their limited resources on a mistake.

Everyone in my dad's unit became family, mostly uncles and big brothers with a few aunts and big sisters sprinkled in.

It didn't take long before I wanted to be like them.

I did have a childhood, playing with toys and making up games but it was short lived. None of the other children were allowed to play with me and my family always had things that needed to be done. Eventually I was old enough to started helping out where I could. I learned to cook, to fight, and more importantly why to fight.


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Comments (3 so far!)



Oh, I like this. A nice little switch-up to an unexpected point of view.

On a friendly criticism sort of note, I feel like you might have slightly lost the focus a bit in the last paragraph; I understood exactly what you wanted to convey, but it could do with some refinement in the overall feel and flow. It think it's like you're trying to squeeze just a little too much into not quite enough space (I know that feeling well).

  • #4029 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
Robert Quick

Robert Quick

Fair enough. I didn't hate the last paragraph but I don't love it either. It felt . . . functional. I do like the ending and that was probably what kept me there. If I get inspiration on a change, I'll give it a shot.

  • #4030 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
Robert Quick

Robert Quick

Arguably I could leave it at the second to last paragraph but I think I wanted to include that there was some sort of childhood before the protagonist became a soldier at too young an age. Something like that at least.

  • #4031 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0

Inspired by (sequel to):

"- Come in, I've lost your signal. I say again, -"

I stopped when my partner put a hand on my shoul…

At the Last Moment

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