Not Distraught This Time

ElshaHawk LoA

Ficlets and Ficly survivor, FicMom, and Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision and Goddess of Unrequited Love. @ElshaHawk @HawkandYoung

I'm on the outside looking in. I see you inside, laughing, joy written on your face. The door is locked, but sometimes I can hear what you say inside.

This time, I'm not distraught. I'm not frantically beating on the walls to be let in. I'm not crying oceans of tears.

I'm watching, studying myself more than you. You are doing things the right way. My heart is beyond broken, but it doesn't hurt anymore.

I don't have words to say. I give you thumbs up when you look at me outside. You have no desire to let me in. When you feel like it, you open a window and we have a conversation and joke and shoot the breeze. Mostly, I stay outside and wait.

There is a patch of pure green four-leaf clovers that I like to pick. I sit among them and feel lucky, but not with you. You haven't seen them. I might not even share them. You have your thing inside, and I have mine outside. Even if you never notice, at least I have something to share maybe one day, but Only if you ask to see them.

I'm going to be okay.


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Comments (2 so far!)

Robert Quick

Robert Quick

Good. I've found that healing, like so many things, is a wave of advancement and regression. Some times 1 step forward and 2 steps back, some times 2 steps forward and 1 step back. It's the whole of the arc that is important. Presumably you are at your word limit but if you weren't, I'd like to hear some words or a line that you can hear through the door. Overall, I like this. It's sweet and sad, and most importantly for me, it doesn't feel needy. The only question I have is whether the O on only in the second to last line is purposefully capitalized.

  • #3323 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
ElshaHawk LoA

ElshaHawk LoA

Yeah, I have 15 characters left, so I can't really say what I can hear through the door. I don't think I want the reader to know, though, because I don't think I really want to know. It would be rude, number one, and number two, it would only lead to more heartache on my part as I misappropriate their words and actions to be against me. As to your question, I had originally used a sentence fragment, and I didn't like that, so I joined that to the last sentence. I managed to miss the capitalization, but when I read back through it, I kinda liked the emphasis. It was shorter than using italics.

  • #3329 Posted 3 years ago
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  • Published 3 years ago.
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