Suffer in Silence

"Did you actually read my email?" I asked, apprehension building a bubble in my chest.

"No, I haven't had time. It was long."

My bubble popped. Embarrassment washed over me. What was I thinking? "Oh, well, nevermind."

"Sure, so about this story..."

I listened and offered my suggestions. I was a great sounding board for story ideas. In the back of my mind, a drain hole opened and my anxiety washed out. It took my love and happiness with it. I was left with a bathtub full of emptiness.

At least emptiness is better than anger and despair.

"I've gotta go. My phone is about to die," he said.

"Sure. Hey, it was really nice talking to you," I tried.

It would take me a while to build up the courage to email my deepest feelings again. As long as the email was gray as 'read', he would never go back and read it. Life moved too fast for looking back.

I considered deleting it.

But then I refused. It was a breadcrumb. If ever he decided to follow it to my heart, there it was.

In silence, I suffered. I had lost.