A Moment of Silence


Silence echoes through a cacophony of excuses

and pointed fingers we've aimed at each others eyes

A minute of chosen darkness as our cold hands cling

To the imagined support of numbers

Lit by swaying stars who suddenly preach for safety

The breath we suck through tight lips coats our tongue with dusty promises

As we search franticly for an escape

to a future suddenly snatched from former strangers bloody fingers

by a preventable leaden storm

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Echoes fade with a swiftness we hope our memories emulate

as we scramble to start yet another triage


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Comments (2 so far!)

Robert Quick

Robert Quick

Yup. Just as relevant today, 31 days later, with another shooting. If I see any magazines taking current events poetry, I'll remind you to submit this.

On the poetry side of things, your work is always strong. I only have two minor suggestions. The first is that I don't think you need to clarify rain in the third to last line. Unless you need it for cadence or something, I think leaden storm is stronger than leaden rain storm. The second is in the second to last line. At first I wanted to switch out 'Echoes' for 'Thunder' but then I realized I didn't know what kind of echoes you were talking about. My instinct was gun shot echoes but it could have been echoes of crying, screaming, sirens, or something else. So if there is a way to clarify what is being echoed, I think that would help. Although between the two of us, you're the poetry master so maybe my suggestions are not helpful.

  • #3160 Posted 4 months ago
  • 0
In Nights Arms

In Nights Arms

Personally, echoes doesn't need clarification.

Whatever memory one would be hoping to have fade would be different for everyone. It can be a little vague because it's for the reader to decide what the worst part of it could be.

Just my not at all poetry master opinion though.

  • #3172 Posted 4 months ago
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