This Time Things Are Different
Ficlets and Ficly survivor, FicMom, and Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision and Goddess of Unrequited Love. @ElshaHawk @HawkandYoung
I don't know why this time things are different. Maybe it's because I finally stopped hoping for my fantasies to become reality. I gave in. I gave up.
It doesn't sting anymore, doesn't hurt. There is only a hole. I'm halfway in the hole and halfway out. The hole was always there, but it was filled by you for awhile. Then you climbed out. I want to drop inside and hide and not come out into the world for a while, but I can't. I have to keep going and keep faking that I am fine.
Call me, or don't call me, it doesn't really matter now. What you once were for me is no more. Whenever I see your initials randomly on a license plate my heart no longer flutters with pleasure. It might jump when it sees your face on my cell phone as it rings, but that will be in surprise more than joy or anticipation.
That's what is different this time. That's why it doesn't hurt as much. I've learned to let go of you sooner so that I have a shorter distance to fall. I've guarded my heart. You can't get to me now.
Comments (4 so far!)
I hope your guards are better than my guards. Mine fled at first contact after literal years of silence. I almost wish they hadn't. It would have saved me at least a few hours of confusion.
- #2992 Posted 1 year ago
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my guards are weenies, too.
- #2996 Posted 1 year ago
So far, the guards are working. See, the door they guard is broken. Unless the person shows up with tools and duct tape and really wants to walk through it, they have to mend it first. The guards can be weenies all they want, because even if they flee, the door is still unusable until repaired. I have a strong feeling that it will remain unusable. There is hardly any chance the fantasy person is in reality the one with the key to the door and the tools. IF they ever actually grow into that person, THEN I'll be in trouble. The decision to let them open the door and come in and sweep me off my feet is still ultimately mine.
- #3012 Posted 1 year ago
lol. The story around the story is as compelling as the story itself. I know it's a metaphor but I really like the idea of someone having to come back and repair the door to make amends before they can walk through it. It seems like there is something there.
- #3016 Posted 1 year ago
Inspired by (sequel to):
It makes me angry to think that I can never have you and angry that I'm acting like a child. I'm ang…Anger Cycle
- Published 1 year ago.
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