A Preservation of Mulberry
I finished the last line with a flourish, dropping the quill back into its pot and shuffling the pages together. Tucking my chair under the table, I made my way to Katy while weaving past pot handles and trays that dangled and protruded over various surfaces.
The only relatively clear area was around the stove, where we started our little dance. People often asked whether we have some other way of communication, but I usually had to explain that the simple truth was that we knew each other very well. I could tell that this rarely satisfied as an explanation.
It was just as well, though. Katy's preferred working language was Infernal, which I found quite difficult. It was full of grammatical exactitude and declensional complexity, and neither of us would be pleased if we had to start an entire chant over because I'd had to ask her for the cinnamon.
Half an hour later, we paused for a break. I levitated a glass of water into her hand while she tossed me a handful of roasted chestnuts in a twist of paper.
Comments (5 so far!)
I envy your ability to pick up a series after real life time has passed. I almost invariably find that I'm no longer in whatever mood set me haring off in that direction in the first place. Details in the first and third paragraph are great. There is still a sense of a magical kitchen.
Second sentence in the second paragraph the word 'asked' needs to be fixed.
Mmmmm. Can't remember what level of feedback you want from me. I'll put it out there and you can let me know if it's too much. The second paragraph is the only part that really troubles me. This line: 'have some other way of communication' is clunky to me. If it's psychic or mind meld or soul charged say that instead. The other part I think doesn't work is because you set up one line and the follow through ends up being too on the nose. Starting with a 'well practiced dance' and ending on 'old waltzing partners' feels almost . . . contrived?
Still, it's always a pleasure to see you write and go on your journeys.
- #3451 Posted 5 months ago
@RQ: Largely-written drafts help. I almost always push for a half-finished story as soon as I feel the inspiration start to dwindle.
I always appreciate feedback, but on this occasion I think I'm going to let this one lie (apart from the typo fix). I've already edited it very heavily to fit into the character limit, and I'm not convinced that taking the red pen to it will move it in the right direction.
- #3452 Posted 5 months ago
... or not. Obsessive editor, yay!
- #3453 Posted 5 months ago
Hahahahhahaha. I was going to say that not editing it was fair but by the time I got back here you had changed your mind lol. Hopefully you changed things because you agreed that my observations were valid. I almost wish someone else would have had a chance to chime in. I'm not always right.
- #3454 Posted 5 months ago
We've known each other a long time now. I think it's reasonable to trust you when you say "this bit deserves another look".
- #3455 Posted 5 months ago
Inspired by (sequel to):
"The limes? I thought we were going to try this batch with oranges."
"Oh... right. Sorry."
"Focus,…A Hint of Blue
- Published 5 months ago.
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