Poker Striptus Interruptus
Ficlets and Ficly survivor, FicMom, and Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision and Goddess of Unrequited Love. @ElshaHawk @HawkandYoung
Brian pulled a deck of cards, still sealed in plastic, from his pocket.
"Where'd you get those?" Elsie giggled.
"Hotel convenience store. We're gonna play."
"Oh, we are?"
He grinned and nodded, "Uh-huh. Strip poker."
He shuffled and dealt. Elizabeth lost. Her dress was flung dramatically across the room. She lost the next hand, too. "Top or bottom?" she asked.
"Mmm, top, but allow me."
Brian pulled her close and reached around to grasp her bra closures. The power went out.
Elsie stepped out of his embrace and peeked out the curtain 3 stories down. "Lights are on all round. It's just us." Her eyes went wide as gunshots were heard somewhere inside the hotel. Scampering around, she redressed and grabbed her purse and single backpack. They packed light. "Let's go."
Heads poked nervously out of various rooms. Elsie and Brian headed to the stairs silently. People began nervously following them down to the side exit at the first floor.
"Put your hands up!" SWAT yelled.
No prequels yet. Why not write one?
No sequels yet. Why not write one?
Comments (4 so far!)
I don't think they had time to get angry.
> I feel like you do a good job making sexy, fun.
This is the best compliment ever.
- #2797 Posted 5 years ago
That just... turned all the way into a direction I had no preparation for.
When she said "it's just us," for a moment I thought just their hotel room instead of the whole building, making me think someone was onto them and very unhappy about what they were up to.
Kind of a Matrix feeling, which is a compliment.
- #2806 Posted 5 years ago
That is a vague statement, and I did see that same flaw upon re-read. I'm out of characters, so I have to leave it. The rest of the story covers for that err in judgment.
- #2808 Posted 5 years ago
- Published 5 years ago.
- Story viewed 10 times and rated 0 times.
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I love that this is what you consider mature content. I know, I know. I err on the side of caution too. That being said, I really like this piece. I was entranced by the characters at the start. I feel like if I had written the same dialogue, it would feel trite but your feels believable. And I was (as far as I can tell) more mad than them when they were interrupted. The title reminds me of the Looney Tunes of course. I feel like you do a good job making sexy, fun.