The Ex


I'm just this guy, you know?

To expand on that, I am also the following...

- A former ficly member who is 38 years old and is schizoaffective (depressive type)

- Into creating languages and fantasy worlds from scratch

- A listener of audiobooks & good tunes

- Always too hard on myself

I wonder.

I wonder if you think of me as much as I think if you.

I wonder if you even think of me at all.

I wonder if I impacted your life the same way you impacted mine.

I'll never forget you. Will you forget me? Have you already?

Once you said you rushed into things. You didn't specifically say that it was a mistake, but you didn't deny it either.

There is still a part of me that wants you in my life. Do you have this feeling too? Did I matter to you enough to miss? Was my presence in your life for however short a period even beneficial? Do you have fond memories? Do you have memories at all?

I still miss your voice. Your laugh. Your thoughts. Your experiences. They left their mark on my soul. But did I leave that same type of mark on you? I can't help but wonder.

It hurts to wonder too. I don't want to do it. I want reassurance that I mattered to you. I don't even know why.

Maybe I want my feeling to be reciprocated on whatever level.

Maybe I just want to matter at all.

But especially to you.


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Comments (1 so far!)

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Robert Quick

Robert Quick

I've been called a mistake. It's not a great feeling. The funny thing is that I would never call any of my exes a mistake. There was value, sometimes in lesson only, in all of them. And in my experience she did not think of me as much as I did (do) her. Of course, my brain didn't help, giving me vibrant dreams of her for an entire summer, or using almost ANY piece of music to remind me of her. Thankfully that has slowed down as the years passed. It's not gone but it's not daily either. Perhaps the strangest part was meeting her again years later and realizing me emotions are connected to a person that doesn't exist any more. She has changed in the interim and is no longer the person I remember. Life is so, so strange.

  • #2789 Posted 6 years ago
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