Ah, To Go Back
I'm just this guy, you know?
To expand on that, I am also the following...
- A former ficly member who is 38 years old and is schizoaffective (depressive type)
- Into creating languages and fantasy worlds from scratch
- A listener of audiobooks & good tunes
- Always too hard on myself
Often, Penny wished she could go back in time. Quite often.
She felt like her life had become a bit of a mess.
She hadn't left the apartment in a few weeks. She hadn't showered in a month. Most of the time she found that she just laid in bed and stared at the clock on her night stand as it calmly ticked the second of her life away. Seconds she knew she would never get back, yet felt powerless to do anything about it.
She wished she could go back and change the way her life had panned out.
She wondered if that would actually help or not. It wouldn't have, but she didn't know that.
This was her lot in life. The luck of the draw had given her a mental illness that was resistant to medications and she had to try to live, when she could manage it, around the illness.
That, in itself, was depressing, so it would feed back into itself infinitely making her feel infinitely miserable.
She dwelled on her choices, though they didn't make that much of an impact in the long run.
She just couldn't help but wonder.
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Comments (3 so far!)
HSAR
I heard a great quote recently: "You can't turn the clock back... but you can wind it back up again."
- #2648 Posted 6 years ago
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ElshaHawk LoA
My students are always trying to go back in time. I always tell them, NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK! because repeating all the drama and whining and work over again is not fun. There is nothing to change there, so there is no use going back.
I think when you start wishing things went differently, you should replay it in your mind and learn from it. Next time, you will see a pattern and infer from experience what NOT to do. But life must go forward, and so does time. While it feels like things are cyclical, the reality is, they are not. Things around you change and move, forcing you to adapt, so you can't really stay in stasis, either.
Do good.
- #2649 Posted 6 years ago
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Jim Stitzel
That's exactly how I felt about my depression for years. I felt like my life was wasting away and passing me by and I'd never recover those lost days and minutes or escape the black hole of my illness. I'm happy to have been proven wrong on that front. True, I can't get that time back, but I'm on good meds now, so I'm trying to make every moment going forward count for something worthwhile. I know it's kinda cliché, but it's a journey and one worth taking.