Holding on to History
Devra picked up the completed Lego model of Big Ben. She had to be careful, the pieces weren't glued together--never that!--so putting pressure on the wrong point could lead to disaster. Looking at the minute, pixelated, shape of the iconic English monument, she felt a surge of happy nostalgia. She remembered a time when her parents were still together and as a family they looked out across the bridge at the looming clock, hearing it ring its ancient song.
People that walked into her office usually assumed the Lego building was her son's work but she didn't have a son, much to the chagrin of her mother. No, the work was her own. It and rest of the fragmented Lego city-scape, hundreds of dollars in all, were all that was left of her mother's attempts to steer her into an engineering career. But she kept them and enjoyed them. Even though she had followed her dream of being on t.v., if not exactly in the way she thought, it was still a pleasure to handle the little bricks, to create order out of chaos.
No prequels yet. Why not write one?
Comments (6 so far!)
Average reader rating 5.00/5
Oh I know! I had originally typed out 'thousands of dollars' but realized that her mom hadn't bought all of them, just a few maybe 3 or 4 as gifts every other year (starting at age 12 or 14 for these big sets) because they are so expensive.
Her job, although it's not important here and wasn't supposed to be a mystery, is a weather woman. I am working on a prompt for a contest and writing Ficly's always help me focus. A version of this will make it into the actual entry.
- #1854 Posted 6 years ago
So cool! I guess I don't think of meteorologists having offices..
- #1856 Posted 6 years ago
So I really really like this one and I think you should come back to it and rework it a bit, There are so many interesting elements, and if timed and paced right, this could be a real intriguing little moment.
I'd take out the "never that!" and just replace it with a inner thought about why. I get it, it's just a bit too vague for this moment. She doesn't seem like she's just a "lego person" but more, an artful soul who finds her memories in physical expression, so her gluing pieces or not gluing them shouldn't even really have that much attention put on it.
Find a different way to flash back to the memory rather than just stating "she remembered" because-- if at first your reader just thinks she's a person her likes legos, and then we seamlessly transition into this memory, we'll sigh on the discovery that she needs the legos.
- #2310 Posted 6 years ago
- 5 out of 5
Also, the part about people thinking her son made it-- needs more of an explanation. Perhaps you could say that people think her son made it because of the pictures of the little boy she has on her desk, never mind, it's just her nephew but she never bothers to correct anyone.
I would also find some way to work in Big Ben into her actual job ... maybe she wears a Big Ben pin on the air, or if that's too much, maybe just have her think about moving to England and reporting the weather there-- even though it will always be raining, at least she'll be surrounded by sunny memories. I don't know-- I just really love this world, this character and these personality traits you've created. It really is touching on those unique elements that make someone interesting, and I am interested! I want to know more about her! I really do think you should revisit this one. It's wonderful, absolutely wonderful!
- #2311 Posted 6 years ago
- 5 out of 5
There's a wonderful mix of whimsy and melancholy moving through this. I like it a lot. Thanks for sharing!
- #2315 Posted 6 years ago
- 5 out of 5
- Published 6 years ago and featured 6 years ago.
- Story viewed 28 times and rated 2 times.
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Only hundreds of dollars? come on! Those things are expensive. :)
I'm trying to figure out her job.. office, on tv but not in the way she thought. and nothing to do with engineering... There's a few possibilities.