Here lies complacency.
"I knew I'd find you here."He said with a cunning grin as she sashayed by with purpose dressed in an ensemble that had not seen a morsel of neon light in quite some time. As if his sureness didn't scathe her in the least. In her quiet shock, she headed toward the ladies room and flung the door open wide. She feverishly fiddled through her purse as if she could possibly find anything inside it to change the look on her face. She looked from side to side and ran her hands through her hair and returned to the world of the living. " How did he know?" She muttered to herself as she coyly scanned the room for his piercing presence. She edged up to the mahagany bar of dreams and ordered a glass of too late now and attempted to radiate a sense of normalcy knowing he could steal it all in a glance. She fixed her smooth berry stained lips to the spotty glass and tilted her head back in a way that only one friend's with regret could get away with. As she sipped on her last chance, he came to her. He came just in time.
Comments (4 so far!)
Average reader rating 4.33/5
This is good kelly. It had a bunch of little dependent clausrs that needed separating in the early part, but nothing that takes away from the story or it ability to inspire interest.
- #1723 Posted 4 years ago
- 4 out of 5
How did he know? She hoped he would know, that's how! Despite her regrets, she desires for him to make things 'right', though whether or not he will live up to her high expectations remains to be seen. She's trying to be coy and suave and alluring and it's sweet, but I'm glad to see that his presence unnerves her just enough that she will be cautious. Or at least, I hope that l glass of too late now doesn't include a dash of throw caution to the wind.
- #1724 Posted 4 years ago
I'm in love with your metaphorical beverage, and your line about finding something in her purse to change the look on her face. Your prose really is exquisite; it reads much like a prose poem.
I wondered if capitalizing "too late now" or putting it in quotations might make the metaphor clearer, but the way you've written it is really growing on me.
- #1728 Posted 4 years ago
- 4 out of 5
I humbly thank each of you for the comments.
- #1736 Posted 4 years ago
- Published 4 years ago.
- Story viewed 25 times and rated 3 times.
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