I don't want to change anything, don't get me wrong. The more time passes, the more I see how it couldn't have worked. The more I see how much I would've suffered for you. Because I loved you and I love you and I would take so much pain for you just because you hold my heart.
But I've taken my heart back and it needs to get used to not being in your hands. It thumps too fast or too slow or not at all.
Now what I'm feeling is just the loneliness. Not because I want a lover. But because I've lost an extremely good friend. I can't share my joys and stresses and the stupid taco song videos I find. It's the emptiness I feel in my life. That I won't make you laugh anymore with my silly stories. That I won't see your beautiful smile ever again. That I can't see your eyes light up and I can't share in the jubilation of your accomplishments. I can't halve your pain when the sorrows come. I can't be there for you or with you. And that is the part that hurts the most. I've lost a best friend. And I am so alone.
No prequels yet. Why not write one?
No sequels yet. Why not write one?
Comments (10 so far!)
Average reader rating 5.00/5
Oh, oh. This is my pain.
- #1595 Posted 4 years ago
Many of our pains, I suspect HSAR. But I believe in the magic of friendship and the elements of harmony therein. As bleak and dark as life can be, there is great possibilities and the potential for change. We have the capacity to make friends and possibly more importantly to BE friends. And our newest home of Ficlatte is the perfect place to do it. But due to the messaging limitations, more personal communication may be needed through email or Facebook. HSAR and Elsha are my friends on Facebook, and I'd be honored to count you among my friends there, or where ever is good for you.
- #1597 Posted 4 years ago
Such is the anguish. The loss and longing is immense when a friend is gone.
- #1601 Posted 4 years ago
- 5 out of 5
I am sorry (also half proud) to say that I don't have any social media besides Wattpad and Snapchat if you have either of those. :P
- #1610 Posted 4 years ago
Binky i feel like I am intruding in yout secret life by reading this. It gave me a peeping tom feeling.
- #1621 Posted 4 years ago
Haha! I suppose in a sense that's what I've given you. I find it strangely comforting that people know my private thoughts and yet they can't judge me for them since they do not know me. In a way, you are all my therapists just listening to the things I don't dare tell those that know me.
- #1635 Posted 4 years ago
Very high amounts of sympathy and empathy. <3
- #1637 Posted 4 years ago
- 5 out of 5
I know this pain all too acutely. I'm in the middle of tidying up the last bits of a divorce after 14 years of marriage (though I only count 13 of them because we've been separated for more than a year now). Probably the hardest thing I've had to get used to is not having my life partner there with me to share in everything, to talk to, to cry with, to have our silly conversations in bed at night, and to just generally walk beside in everything. The heartache of lost love is some of the worst pain someone can experience, but at the same time, it can be an amazing growing experience of self-learning and self-reliance. And there's no substitute for that. It makes you more of a whole person so that when you meet the next right person for you, you're better able to complete that person (and they you) than you would have been without the heartache that preceded it.
- #2875 Posted 4 years ago
Thank you for sharing, Jim. Nice to know we're not alone out here in our heartaches.
- #2908 Posted 4 years ago
We're definitely not. I've become much more aware and sensitive to others in places of heartache and struggle this past year.
- #2910 Posted 4 years ago
- Published 4 years ago and featured 4 years ago.
- Story viewed 41 times and rated 2 times.
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