It Came From the Produce Aisle

Mother screamed as an angry cantaloupe chased her through the produce section of Walter’s Grocery Store. A few feet away, a horde of vine ripened tomatoes gnawed at the ankle of a little, old lady, while a head of kale viciously assaulted a dread locked college student in hemp pants and sandals. Blood and fruit juice puddled on the tile flooring, while overhead the voice of the store manager cracked through the PA, frantically calling for assistance.

A lesser man might have broken in the face of such chaos, but not me. I just happened to have a melon baller in my pocket, and an insatiable appetite for saving the day.