Surprise

lacrimae rerum

I like to think of myself as a writer.


Later that night, I came back from work my shirt covered in blood, just itching to take a shower. I was just about to open the bathroom door when I heard a thudding sound. Cautiously, I walked over to the light switch, only to trip over a large squishy object that hadn't been there before. The smell emanating from it was enough to make any normal human being want to retch. My senses alert, waiting for an ambush, I flicked the light on, raising an eyebrow.

It was the woman I had killed on my walk the night before.


Comments (4 so far!)

Average reader rating 4.00/5

ElshaHawk LoA

ElshaHawk LoA

Gross.

Tripped and THEN stumbled, or walked then tripped, or stumbled on the way.. it is repetitive. Also, the sentence beginning with Only is a fragment and needs attached somewhere. Or the tripped part can become part of the stumble and the whole thing can be one sentence. But it needs to be longer. Reach for that limit!! Go for it! How squishy was it? Did the killer land on her? Did the killer's shin brush up against something soft or crunch something hard?

  • #1271 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
lacrimae rerum

lacrimae rerum

Thanks for the feedback, I will definitely listen to your advice using it the next time I write.

  • #1272 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
ethelthefrog

ethelthefrog

Scary stuff. The thick, as they say, plottens.

  • #1291 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
  • 4 out of 5
ElshaHawk LoA

ElshaHawk LoA

Nice editing!

  • #1407 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0

Inspired by (sequel to):

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