My Worst Enemy
I’m caught in a raging sea of should’s, helplessly flailing against the tide I've created. Through the roar of the sea, I hear his childish laugher. “Da…nny. Wh…hy. Danny.. Why...you?” I’m swept beneath the waves of regret…
It’s peaceful in this cold darkness. With the surface.. light... redemption… out of reach. I can rest now. I can hear David laughing, watch him flash his perfect pearly whites as I drift.
David laughs at me and grabs my hands, playing that stupid game, shoving my hands in my face. “Stop hitting yourself, Danny” he laughs. I just want to sleep but he wont stop. Still smacking my face with my fingers. “Why are you hitting yourself, Danny?”
“Stop it, David.” I mumble
“I’m not hitting you Danny.” He says, while smashing my hands into my nose again. He leans in close, his blue eyes blazing like beacons in the darkness and screams in childish delight, “STOP HITTING YOURSELF!”
I wake up choking on my sobs. A flood of tears pouring without surcease, long after the dawn has broken.
Comments (4 so far!)
Average reader rating 4.50/5
Beautiful imagery of a nightmare enclosed in a familiar moment for many people. Great way to tie it all together, the guilt, the loss, the relationship between the two that no one else could see.
- #1260 Posted 5 years ago
I loe the multi-valence of David's words, coupled with the title. Danny is their own worst enemy indeed. I also echo ElshaHawk's sentiment about the relatability of the remembered interaction.
I question the use of ellipsis in the first paragraph, though. In the second, I get the sense that you're trying to convey a sort of sleepy floating? I'm trying to match the ellipsis with the description of David's laughter and the words he's actually speaking and am coming up confused.
- #1262 Posted 5 years ago
- 4 out of 5
@Storykeeper. Good point. I was trying to convey an echo or a broken whisper(perhaps?), as if the crashing waves were drowning out his words. I needed Danny to stop fighting and accept his fate to hear David's message. The ellipsis weren't as effective as I'd hoped. Thanks for the feedback!
- #1268 Posted 5 years ago
I love this. I actually felt a kind of quiet horror while reading.
- #1274 Posted 5 years ago
- 5 out of 5
Inspired by (sequel to):
It's a horrible thing, to be jealous of a dead person. You can't get angry at them. You can't even…Guilt
- Published 5 years ago.
- Story viewed 32 times and rated 2 times.
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