Return to Darkness
Josie’s fingers moved over the keypad. Six-eight-one-one-enter. He looked at the keypad and then at the door, his heart sinking. There was supposed to be a click and then a sliding sound as the door unlocked. Instead there was nothing. He hit the numbers again. And then again more slowly. What was wrong?
He checked over his shoulder. Blue sky still cut a ragged zig-zag through the thick jungle canopy. He punched the metal door in frustration. “Shit!”
The door swung open and he gasped. For the first time in his life, the interior hallways were dark. He knew that there were stairs ten feet beyond the door but he couldn’t see them. He couldn’t see anything. He didn’t have a flashlight. He’d never needed one before. The hallways were always lit. Always.
Step by step, he approached the dark opening. His hand searched for the guide rail that he had used a thousand times—and missed. He found it a second later, lower than he had thought. Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself into the darkness on shaking legs.
No prequels yet. Why not write one?
No sequels yet. Why not write one?
Comments (3 so far!)
Thank you, a pleasure as always. You are probably right about the third paragraph. This and the last piece were both "warm ups" to get me writing again. I may or may not edit this further. You still writing?
- #1196 Posted 7 years ago
Of course. You've still got the touch, old friend, so never fear. I just hoped some feedback might smooth out the creative engine again.
As for writing, it's been at somewhat of an ebb - I have two active serials on Ficlatte, and am putting Airships from Ficly through an edit pass so I can release it as one story, but I haven't made progress on any of them for a while.
(Apologies for the slow reply - Ficlatte doesn't notify when a comment is made on someone else's story)
- #1198 Posted 7 years ago
- Published 7 years ago.
- Story viewed 44 times and rated 0 times.
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In the interest of providing useful feedback, I feel like Josie's shock at whatever is wrong in the third paragraph is dwelt on a little overlong, and interrupts the energetic pace delivered before it.
That little stumble aside, it's a great piece. You're at it again with the teasing of background elements driving the immediate action, and it works great.