Lost Myself

ElshaHawk LoA

Ficlets and Ficly survivor, FicMom, and Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision and Goddess of Unrequited Love. @ElshaHawk @HawkandYoung

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I've lost myself again.

This is not how I pictured my life would be.

These moments when I am supposed to be in control are careening out of my grasp. It's not a wild ride, either. It's like a slow plummet. You can see exactly how it will happen and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

I'm supposed to be the leader, but I'm terrible at leading.

I'm supposed to be a parent, but I'm failing there, too.

My body is dropping things, focusing on trivial details, getting upset over them when they break or plans fall apart, and I'm crying like a baby. So much drama over little nothings.

The stress of it all, taking it out on the wrong people.

The forgetfulness; it's hurting others. When I forget myself, I say the wrong things, forget to do the right things, and lose even more of myself. Who is this person I have become?

How do I get myself back? I know I'm in there.

Somewhere.


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Comments (4 so far!)

Average reader rating 4.50/5

Storykeeper

Storykeeper

I think this is beautifully written, but it leaves me feeling a little angry. It prompts me to rebel against the voice in my own head that says similar things.

  • #1263 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
  • 5 out of 5
Storykeeper

Storykeeper

Let me edit the above comment. This is beautifully written, AND it leaves me angry. Good work provokes emotion, in my opinion. I really want to figure out a story context that changes the tone, though...

  • #1264 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
  • 5 out of 5
lacrimae rerum

lacrimae rerum

I know the feeling. You describe it so well. I like the abruptness of the sentences but would recommend rereading work before you publish in order that you may make sure that you are getting the most out of every word you have written.

  • #1266 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0
  • 4 out of 5
ElshaHawk LoA

ElshaHawk LoA

Confidentiality rules means I can't really describe what's going on, so I stick to the emotions. Sure, some of it could have been edited, but that's what writing when you're emotionally charged and tired does. Plus, I wrote it to remind myself that there is hope, even in the bad times.

  • #1273 Posted 3 years ago
  • 0

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