ElshaHawk LoA

Ficlets and Ficly survivor, FicMom, and Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision and Goddess of Unrequited Love. @ElshaHawk @HawkandYoung

I dreamed of my 17 year-old self. I dreamed that she got the boy of her dreams and that he made her laugh and that she grew comfortable with him. Everything was perfect, from their words to their date locations and the movies he picked, and even the way their bodies fit together. She was happy and filled with love and peace.

Then I began to wake up. I began to think "what if?" What if that really happened and I was with that boy when I was 17? Would I have met my future husband? Would I have suffered a terrible break up and would it have made things too awkward to let the love in that I needed to feel for the man who would become mine? What if I had married the other one and what would my life have been like?

Reality has a rough face, wrinkled and deformed. It wakes you abruptly. I laid there coming out of the haze of dreams and wished to go back to the heavenly place where the boy was perfect and the love was new. New love is the best.

Then I knew it was too late to find that happy place.


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Comments (4 so far!)

Jim Stitzel

Jim Stitzel

Bittersweet. I've had dreams like that, some unrealistic fantasy of pure bliss. A couple hung with me for the entire day following, which makes for a fair bit of melancholy. I'm glad those types of dreams are exceedingly rare.

  • #1061 Posted 4 years ago
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Aaah, first love. Everything is perfect, if only for a while, then you realise just how many cracks you've papered over.

You've captured that in-between space well, as sleep retreats slowly yet consciousness is reluctant to impinge. I wonder if your husband appreciates being described as wrinkled and deformed... ;-)

(Ethel runs away, trying to dodge the projectiles)

  • #1064 Posted 4 years ago
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ElshaHawk LoA

ElshaHawk LoA, ethel!

  • #1065 Posted 4 years ago
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What ifs are a horrible thing sometimes. I often find myself wishing for a time machine for various reasons, to to-do various things in my life that I view as mistakes. Part of me thinks that maybe if I could go back and tweak that maybe things would be better and part of me kind of knows that my current situation was really an inevitability.

  • #2762 Posted 2 years ago
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Author's prompt text:



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