Younger me was a stronger me, I think. There is a determination, I have always suspected, to convince oneself that the passage of time has given at least as much as it has taken away - youth for wisdom, for example. Naivete for experience, perhaps.
But is that really true? I question the assumption. I was faster, stronger, nimbler, happier in younger days. Yes, I know more now (not the same as being smarter), but I am also more burdened, more scarred, more regretful.
I do not feel it was a trade worth making. Younger me would be horrified, even though my current self is undeniably a reasonable extrapolation. But I have chased empty dreams, striven for pointless goals, seen the unflinching uncaring inhuman randomness with which life deals cards.
What comfort is it to know that defying the odds is but a myth? What solace is it to know that in the empty and echoing halls of life, there is one end and one beginning? To have that knowledge forced upon you?
If this is wisdom, I want none of it.
Comments (3 so far!)
I have always felt it a little indulgent to write about emotions, but I had some good advice not-so-recently that I had been thinking about, and I thought it would be worth taking a small snapshot. For archive purposes. That (hopefully) someday I might look back and smile faintly at how foolish I was.
- #608 Posted 5 years ago
I think we all want to recapture/go back to our youthful times for one reason or another. It's less about innocence and more about the emotions i.e carefree, spontaneous.
You mention strength, but strength seems to gain new definition as an adult.
Situationally, it was easier to digest the grays amidst the blacks and whites as a child. Adulthood has so many hues of gray. They are infinitely incomprehensible.
It also seems there are fewer paths to choose as an adult than as a child.
I always look back and see how foolish I was. But in the end, it's those experiences that lead to the future, better or worse.
- #614 Posted 5 years ago
That was depressing. Nicely conveyed, however dark the overall idea.
Thankfully for me I was a complete and hapless idiot in my younger days. I'm not exactly thrilled with the present, but it's been worse.
That's not nearly as uplifting as I was hoping for.
- #617 Posted 5 years ago
- Published 5 years ago.
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