Yellow Beats Purple Black-and-Blue

remembrancer


I broke the mountains majesty

To get beneath her skin

To show the truth of buried beauty

And the gold that lies within

-

But she wont thank me for my effort

For she does not understand

How her pain could be called “progress”

And her rape could have been planned

-

She’s tried to bar her gates

With wind and rock and ice

But I have always found a challenge

The most savory of spice

-

So do your worst milady terra

Because you know I will do mine


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Comments (5 so far!)

Average reader rating 4.50/5

Fantasist

Fantasist

This was such an original work I had to go back and read it again just so I can grasp its uniqueness. This was extremely well written with one long metaphor. Worth five pencils without a doubt.

  • #298 Posted 7 years ago
  • 0
  • 5 out of 5
Sanglorian

Sanglorian

Certainly a poem that warrants a second reading. I enjoyed its sentiment and composition.

"Mountains" and "wont" are both missing apostrophes (I'm never sure with poetry if this is deliberate or not), and I find the end jarring (perhaps deliberately; but it feels like there should be another two lines, with the last one rhyming with "mine").

  • #301 Posted 7 years ago
  • 0
  • 4 out of 5
ethelthefrog

ethelthefrog

Not really sure how the last two lines fit and, reading Sanglorian's comment, I find myself agreeing.

I'm not a particular fan of poetry, but I find myself reading this a few times and finding more each time I do.

  • #302 Posted 7 years ago
  • 0
Fantasist

Fantasist

I'm not sure I would agree with adding two more lines in the end because it seems that would make it clunky. The ending is abrupt but the way I read it in my head, the words come out more elongated. More like a poetic evil mastermind talking in a sing-song manner. But of course, this is just my opinion. Haha

  • #304 Posted 7 years ago
  • 0
  • 5 out of 5
Cariad Ceffyl

Cariad Ceffyl

Well written indeed. I too must give it a second read, maybe a third. I find myself relating to this on a very personal level. It it thought provoking and somewhat sad. I really enjoyed it.

  • #346 Posted 7 years ago
  • 0
  • 5 out of 5
  • Published 7 years ago and featured 7 years ago.
  • Story viewed 48 times and rated 4 times.

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