"It's only a scratch." She says, and she stumbles. We both know that's not true, since we both are aware of what a head wound can do.
She inspects him, and I know she's trying to find any claw marks or bites that punctured skin. If the mutants came into contact with an open wound or made one, their mutated diseases were already burrowing into his body. The diseases are so mutated from the chemicals the bombs dispersed, we don't have anything to fight them. If you're infected, you're dead.
She rolls him over with her foot and he groans.
"Can you be gentler, please?" He asks and I practically roll my eyes. You'd think he'd have other things to be worried about than how she dealt with him.
"Did they infect you?" She asks, serious, wiping the dripping blood away with her hand. I'm glad to know that she's aware of the dangers but she's not gonna be happy if he's infected.
"No, I was lucky." He says. I look at Mia, she needs to be helped right now.
"Good," She says and then passes out, crashing to the floor.
Comments (2 so far!)
I'm liking the parallel viewpoints thing, with each character providing a different view.
Hope you don't mind some critique. In a first-person perspective, you have this unique chance to offer specific thoughts that would otherwise be narrative noise and wasted verbiage in other viewpoints.
"She's not going to take it well if he's infected."
"I hope for both of their sakes that he's not infected."
are examples of the narrator wondering about the guy's infected/not-infected state, and both say different things about the character in a more engaging way than "I wonder".
- #246 Posted 4 years ago
Ah good point, HSAR. Thank you very much. I'll mess around with it and see if I can doctor it up. :)
- #248 Posted 4 years ago
Inspired by (sequel to):
I take quick stock of the doors, making sure the bolts and bars are in place. It seems secure enough…Bel: Sealed
- Published 4 years ago.
- Story viewed 16 times and rated 0 times.
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